


One More Light

by happilyeverscisaac



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 01:50:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12266445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happilyeverscisaac/pseuds/happilyeverscisaac
Summary: “...people with nothing to declare carry the most.”― Jonathan Safran Foer,"Sometimes it becomes to much you know?" A simple comment made years ago, laughed off and ignored.Until now when they realized it was a call out for help; a small sign they played off for years.They had all went their different ways and didn't realize that one of them needed help, needed his friends but they had ignored his texts and invites and now they can't respond anymore.





	One More Light

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is purely fictional and the only thing I own is the story it self
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Guys, I've had this stuck in my head for a while and need to get it out. 
> 
> This story Does contain suicide so please if this is anyway triggering to you, please do not read. I'm only writing this because I've had this story stuck in my head. A lot of these thoughts I have felt before. I didn't really have anybody to support me and thought that ending it all would be the best option for me. However, I didn't and I finally found a couple of people who noticed me and my struggles! I promise that it does get better! You just gotta hold on and fight! There is people out there that do care and love you! Even if it doesn't seem like it. I promise there is. You are beautiful and special and important. 
> 
> NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-8255
> 
> Song: One More Light
> 
> Artist: Linkin Park (Rest in Peace Chester)

 

 _Should've stayed. Were there signs I ignored?_  
_Can I help you not to hurt anymore?_  
_We saw brilliance when the world was asleep._  
_There are things that we can have but can't keep_

 

 _'Sometimes it becomes too much, you know?"  He had let out choked laugh and the boys had just shook their heads and Zayn laughed and rolled his eyes at the silly comment._ This had been the first comment made- the first sign that something wasn't right. But instead they had laughed it off and ignored it. 

Harry shook his head at the memory and felt his phone fall from his hand. His body slide to the ground, eyes blurred behind tears. This couldn't be real- he wouldn't have done it. He can't have. He was the light, the glue behind the boys. He shook his head, it had to be a nightmare. But it had been Bobby who had called Harry and told him the news.

He had just texted Niall- he had just been at his LA show and was buzzing with laughter and drinks. Nothing had looked wrong with him. But maybe that was the problem- they laughed everything off previously and now....now Niall was dead.

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_Past: 2013_ **

**_  
The boys had  an off day and were just lounging around the tour bus when Niall sighed loudly.  Harry picked his head off of Louis's lap as he watched the Irishman throw his phone on his lap. Zayn had his arm wrapped around Niall's shoulders as Liam and Louis were playing FIFA._ **

**_Niall looked at Harry and shrugged. "It's just that I keep getting so much hate. And I know it shouldn't matter but it sucks you know?" And Harry did know; had experienced it before. Zayn kissed the side of Niall's head._ **

**_"Babe just ignore it. You know they are just jealous."  The next comment should have made them realize that something wasn't right and hadn't been. They should have figured it out he struggled with depression (They would find out a couple of months later)._ **

**_"Sometimes it becomes too much you know?"_ **

**_Louis scoffed as he had lost another match and at Niall's comment (which Harry had thought was rude to say the least). Zayn laughed gently and rolled his eyes._ **

**_"Babe we all feel like its too much at times. Just ignore it, it will be okay. They are just jealous at how beautiful and talented you are." He kissed Niall's lips on the last part and no one noticed, except for Harry the light dimming in Niall's eyes as he forced out a giant laugh and told Zayn he was right._ **

 

 ** _I_** _f they say,_  
  
Who cares if one more light goes out  
In the sky of a million stars?  
It flickers, flickers.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry can hear someone calling his name- asking him if he's okay but he shakes his head, tears streaming. "No! I'm not okay. M-My boy-friend just killed himself and I c-can't fucking do this!" He stood up and brushed past his bandmates who called out for him. But he ignored them, like he had ignored Niall and slammed the bathroom door shut-looking the door. He went and sat in the bathtub and leaned his head against the wall. 

 

 _Who cares when someone's time runs out_  
_If a moment is all we are?_  
_Or quicker, quicker._  
_Who cares if one more light goes out?_  
_Well, I do._

 

 _"_ N-Niall..." He choked out. "Y-ou bastard! Y-ou selfish bastard!" 

 

_**When Zayn had left the band and broke Niall's heart, Harry pulled Niall into a hug and let the smaller boy sob into his arms. He kissed his head. "It'll be okay Ni."** _

**_The blonde shook his head. "H-He fucking broke me_ ** **_Haz. Why would he leave us...why would h-e leave me? H-e said he loved me... he was my anchor."_ **

**_Harry felt his heart break and he forced Niall to look look up at him. Blue eyes widened as green bore into him._ **

**_"Listen to me Nialler. I am here for you. The boys are here for you. Fuck Zayn. I don't know why he did this and why he left you the way he did. But I will never leave you and the boys will never leave you okay? You can't resort to cutting again okay babe? You're not alone."_ **

 

**_The blonde sniffled and hugged Harry tightly. "Okay."_ **

 

**_It took months and weeks for Niall to realize that Harry was right and they became closer until when Harry couldn't take it anymore and kissed Niall._ **

**_"Is this okay?" He asked cupping Niall's face. The blonde nodded and he bent down and kissed Niall's mouth._ **

 

**_When One Direction decided to go on Hiatus- Niall had been scared what would happen. He talked to the boys the night before as he was wrapped in Harry's arms._ **

**_"What if we never come back together? W-What if we break up?"_ **

**_The boys had laughed it off as Harry ruffled Niall's hair.. "We will love and we won't break up. whenever you call I promise I will always answer."_ **

**_Niall had nodded and kissed Harry. Louis and Liam had promised as well._ **

 

 ****Harry sobbed harder as he realized he broke his promise- that the boys had broken their promises. They had become all too busy with their solo acts and soon Harry had disappeared until he finally surfaced after the movie. He had ignored his boyfriend's texts and invites, telling him he couldn't make it. He hadn't realized the other boys had as well. It wasn't like Harry totally ignored Niall. He had answered phone calls, and skype calls. He never realized that Niall's light was dimming each and every day. He hadn't realized that his boyfriend had begun suffering with his depression again and had completely stopped taking his medication.

 

  
_The reminders pull the floor from your feet._  
_In the kitchen one more chair than you need._  
_Oh._  
_And you're angry, and you should be, it's not fair._  
_Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there._

 

There was pounding on the bathroom door and Harry could hear his bandmates outside the door. He ignored it and kept ignoring it, not knowing or caring that hours passed before someone kicked the door in. He felt arms wrap around him and he broke down even more knowing Niall would never be the one to do it anymore. 

 

* * *

 

 

 _If they say,_  
  
_Who cares if one more light goes out_  
_In the sky of a million stars?_  
_It flickers, flickers._  
_Who cares when someone's time runs out_  
_If a moment is all we are?_  
_Or quicker, quicker_  
_Who cares if one more light goes out?_  
_Well, I do._

 

 

The viewing and service was set to be in Ireland and Harry had cancelled upcoming shows. He had put on a black suit with an Irish looking tie. He knew Niall would have loved it as he remembered him trying to push the boys into more Irish things. He stared into the mirror; face pale and dark bags beneath his eyes. It looked as if he was becoming a ghost but he no longer cared. There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Hurry up Haz. ' He heard Louis say softly. "It's about to start." 

Splashing his face, he unlocked the door, only for Louis to hug him. He hugged back. "Let's get this over with." 

The two walked arm in arm into the service room. Harry felt his heart clench as he looked into the open coffin and saw Niall's pale and peaceful face. "I-I can't do this Lou." He whispered, tears threatening to fall again. The shorter male gave him a pitiful yet determined look. "You can Harry. You have to babe." 

Harry felt his head nod. "Y-Yeah okay." He was the last one to pay respect to Niall. He walked slowly up to the front and saw Niall's parents barely holding on, he saw Liam sitting next to Cheryl and Bear, and he saw Zayn sitting quietly to the side. But none of that matter as he kept his eyes on Niall. 

Finally reaching the casket Harry looked down at Niall. "I love you" he whispered, but it echoed in the room. He leaned down and put his forehead against Niall's."I love you so fucking much Niall. I miss you baby and I should have realized- fuck I should have been the boyfriend I was suppose to be. You c-can't leave me Ni. You are my light. Y-ou can't leave me Nialler.  You a-asked me one day who would care if you f-faded away and I would Nialler. I would care....you c-can't leave me. Wake up babe. Please open your eyes." 

Harry closed his eyes and felt tears stream down his face. "Open your eyes Niall. Open your fucking eyes!" He screamed the last part and he felt someone come behind him. 

"Harry, come one." It was Zayn. The older lad tried to pull him away but Harry struggled. 

"N-No! You can't make me leave him. I can't abandoned him again!" 

"..He's already gone Harry. Come on babe." 

Harry kept struggling until others helped Zayn (Liam and Louis) move him. He fell against Zayn's shoulder as they helped get him outside. "H-e was my light Z. H-He can't go away. He can't leave me. " Zayn pulled him into a hug. The others hugging him too. 

Eventually Harry looked up to the sky. "I'm so mad...you left me Niall....you....broke your promise....You didn't think...You didn't realize...that I would care. " 

 

 

_Who cares if one more light goes out_   
_In the sky of a million stars?_   
_It flickers, flickers._   
_Who cares when someone's time runs out_   
_If a moment is all we are?_   
_Or quicker, quicker._   
_Who cares if one more light goes out?_   
_Well, I do._   
_Well, I do_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry guys. The ending seems rushed. But this was hard to write. 
> 
> NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-8255


End file.
